Finally Finals are Finished

First I want to say I'm sorry for not posting in a while but nothing good to write about has come to mind and since the short story fell a little flat and no one knew/ recognized/ cared about my Monty Python post I wanted to make the next one good. But then I just thought screw it and this is all you get. Sorry.

Here is a topic! I bought Airplane! The other day and it said on the cover that the AFI rated it one of the top ten funniest movies of all time. So lets come up with An Official Peachfuzz list, if this goes well ill do some other lists. Ill start.

Some of the greatest comedies of all time:

Airplane!
Monty Python's The Quest For The Holy Grail
Napoleon Dynamite
Blazing Saddles
Austin Powers: International Man of mystery
It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
The Graduate
Young Frankenstein
The Big Lebowski
Caddyshack

I used the AFI list to help me out with this one, and I'm disappointed to see that Austin Powers didn't make it and that Ghostbusters is at the #28 spot. I have been wanting to see some of the older movies that I have missed out on (because I know there are a lot great films out there I have not seen). I think I will start with Citizen Kane on the AFI greatest films list and watch them all in order. What better way to take advantage of a friend who works at blockbuster? Carrissa I'm looking for your help on this one.

Ive decided that since all of my last posts were all over one page in length each, I would just throw this one in for good measure.

Helpful comment of the day: Always look on the bright side of life.

This one goes out to all the ladies out there!

Well I have had a scene running through my head for the past few months and as per usual I’ve decided to write it down and get it out of my head before it drives me crazy. This time I’ve decided to throw myself to the mercy of my beloved ‘fans’ by blogging it up a notch (Bam!) . Its gonna be like a cross between short story and short film, so bear with me.

The scene starts up nearing sunset, You wouldn’t call it a sunset yet but hints of colors are starting to overtake the blue sky. There is a car driving down the road, kind of fast but not really speeding. The road is winding and mountainous, there is a rock face to the cars right and to the left the ground drops away behind the usual divider that is meant to keep cars on the road. Inside the car there are two people, one a very attractive blond girl sitting in the passenger seat, and the other a good looking guy behind the wheel. To the passer by they look like a young couple going for a Sunday drive. The mood is light and the two are singing along with the radio. This continues for a few minutes. The car enters a bend and then another car pulls out into the road and stops perpendicular to them. The driver SLAMS on his brakes and the old car skids to a halt just a few feet from the intruding car.

It takes the couple a few seconds to recoup after the sudden rush of adrenaline. They look up at the new car and The Stranger driving it. Panic washes over their faces. They just sit there for a second jaws dropped. The two then react, clumsily lunging for the shifter. They scramble over it for a second with little success. As they do this a silver streak of light extends out of the driver window. The man slaps the girls hands away from the shifter and finally slams the lever forwards until it reads ‘R’. The man stomps on the gas pedal and the smoke rises as the rear tires fight for traction. The first shot is smartly placed. “BAM” the shot is loud, so loud people should be thinking about turning their TVs down. The bullet skims past the driver’s ear cutting it. The woman screams. The next view is down the sights of the gun towards the now rapidly fading target. The gun cracks now very rapidly “BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM., BAM” the image changes with every shot fired. Each of the six bullets slam into the windshield of the car, the last smack dab in the driver’s forehead sending blood spraying throughout the car. The slide on the pistol flies back and stays in that position. (This indicates the last round has been fired.) Almost right after the last shot is fired, the stranger flips the catch and lets the magazine fall onto the road. As the magazine leaves the pistol, music blasts. (The song I have in mind is “There’s no room for you here” by The Whitestripes, not from the beginning but right after the line “go away and do not leave a trace” about half way through the song.) The image cuts back and forth from the magazine falling down to the ground, and the car losing control and crashing back first into the rock wall. The Stranger opens up the door and steps out.

A scream rings out from inside the car, the girl opens up her door and in a terror stricken state, she starts to run away. A few steps into the run, the girl turns and looks at the stranger while still moving, then runs around the front of the car. She doesn’t get far however because fear, surprise, and sadness consume the girl and her knees give way. She collapses on the ground near the driver door. The Stranger, calmly walks towards the scene he created which not two minutes ago was bright and cheery, but now the colors have faded away from the sky and left a blue-violet vesper behind. As the man walks towards her there are flashes of the past. It is The Stranger and the girl, the images last less than a second a piece but it becomes clear that the two were involved.

The Stranger walks around the car and stops in front of the girl. She is resting her head on her knees with her arms hugging her legs. The Stranger reaches in his pocket and pulls out one last bullet. He hold s up the gun and gingerly places it into the breech, he flips a catch and the slide moves back into its ready position, hammer cocked, safety off. The sound of the slide slamming forward stops the music cold. The girl looks up at him with an interesting combination of blood and mascara riddled tears on her face. The man crouches down and drags his finger across her forehead. Its not immediately clear what he is doing but the girl is frozen with fear. The man wipes a tear from her eye lovingly and then stands back to look at what he has done. There is a word written across the girls forehead in blood, the word is love.* The muzzle flash lights up the dark road. The man pauses for a second then turns and walks away, retrieves his empty magazine, and drives off down the road. Fade to black.

Well that’s it, Was it as good for you as it was for me?

*Sean and Mike, you two should get this little homage. Think Gaara.

Hotness Incarnate

There are these girls that I see from time to time, I don’t know their names or anything about them, but I’m pretty sure they are the reason that men and women exist. My roommate and I have a saying for a certain group of girls, they are not always that good looking per say, none of the girl’s features ever stand out to be that extraordinary, but everything goes so well together that you cant take your eyes off of them. Maybe it’s the way they carry themselves, or the way they dress, I don’t know, but whatever the reason they have this aura of cuteness that you just can’t put your finger on. Well, these girls are in a group of their own, though these girls have that too, but the ones I’m talking about are at a whole other level. I remember reading somewhere ( I think it was Ian Flemming) that a very beautiful woman is beautiful by way of millimeters, her nose, her eyes, her hair, it all comes down to these few millimeters. For example a girl can be very good looking but her eyebrows are just a few millimeters off, thus ruining the illusion. Let me see, what im trying to get at...

Ill paint you a picture. Im walking out of the ILC thinking about whatever-the-fuck-ever. For you Non-Wildcats reading this the ILC is a rectangular underground area with its ceiling at ground level but it is open to the sky. In the large open space that is the middle there are trees and benches, and along the sides there are doors to classrooms and lecture halls. There are large stairs at each end that allow a nice breeze to flow though the ILC from time to time. But I digress, so there I was making my way up a flight of stairs on my way to my next class and this girl comes out of nowhere and starts down the stairs I am going up. I saw her right away. As I said before a beautiful girl is made of millimeters, well let me tell you this girl had all of the right millimeters in all the right places. She was easily the most beautiful woman I had ever seen in the flesh. Now if my life were a movie, this scene would have been shot in slow motion and would be set to Jimi Hendrix’s Dolly Dagger. I think I even saw the whole thing in Slow-Mo. She was blonde, with some of the brightest green eyes I have ever seen. She was wearing some sort of tank top, and one of those really short skirts, you know, one of those tennis like numbers that seem to be the standard issue uniform to the U of A sorority girls. The funny thing was that this girl gave off a strong presence of being naked. Now I’m not saying the bitch was streaking down the campus, but when you look at her you get a strong presence of a naked body being underneath her straps of clothes. This is not to say I was undressing her with my eyes, but this girl just had that je ne sais quois* ** about her that seemed to say that her clothes were just a charade. Just then a breeze picked up near the library and sent a gush of wind down those stairs into the commons area and up our stairs. It like was a gift from God, or maybe it was The Devil. Well whatever the reason the skirt she was wearing shot straight upwards. She reflexively pushed her skirt back downwards with her hands. I couldn’t believe it. She looked like a modern version of Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch. I just stood there and frozen, I couldn’t believe it . I knew just blankly staring in her direction would only embarrass her further but I couldn’t bring myself to look away. The gust died down and she just kept on walking, probably blushing the whole way to her class. The whole thing probably only lasted a split second. Now I have seen my share of movies, magazines, books, Etc. featuring some pretty sexy stuff, but I doubt that I have ever seen anything like passing hotness incarnate on my way to Spanish 201.

Has anyone noticed similar things or am I just going on a crazy rant because I cant get back to sleep... Woah that was a long one! About a page to describe an experience that lasted ten minutes max. Maybe I do tend to drag stories out a bit... OK, Cliff’s Notes: I saw a really hot girl at the ILC the other day.

* Its french for get me some fuckin' cola before I break vous fucking lips!
** If you don’t know it, look it up... http://world.altavista.com/tr

Texas: The reason people hate America.

In honor of my own return to blogging I am going to stand up and let my voice be heard. I am going to say what needs to be said completely disregarding my own mental and physical safety. I J. Mark Sternberg, am messing with Texas.

Honestly its the worst state in the country. You know how I mentioned earlier that all states have a predetermined amount of cool points? Texas had very few in the first place and the state spread them around so much that you cant possibly cover the whole thing. As a matter of fact the only thing that is cool about the state is that it is so big. Because of their horrible wasteland of a state the only things you can conceivably do in that state are shoot, spit, and and eat, and that reminds me...

Food: Lets not forget the fact that Tex-Mex is the worst food on the planet. Tex-Mex is a little bastard child of Mexicans and Texans cooking together. Lets grab a taco and throw some BBQ sauce on it and call it something other than what it is... crap. Honestly, if I get one more pizza with corn in it im going to fucking flip. As far as I am concerned Tex Mex is reason enough to round up everyone in the state and have tortured then shot. We can make a reality tv show about it. The only two things that are actually bigger in Texas are stomachs and egos, which brings me to my next point...

The ‘tude: Oh man have you ever met anyone from Texas? Its terrible, they are almost always armed with some sort of weapon, as if Mexico is going to siege the Alamo again. Everyone thinks that their states size instantly makes them better. (See also: Carissa’s "Me have bigger____, me better man" theory)


Im going to leave the political stuff alone because the idea of going to that level bores me. I might talk about that in a later post.

I’ve got this whole joie de me thing going on, and I am loving myself for it.

In the past few days I have gotten myself a BMW 328i, a bunch of stuff for it, annd last night I just got myslef a Futurama boxed set. Oh yah, life is good. Now that I drive a Beemer I get to be vain and condescending to pretty much everyone else on the road. (except for those damn Bentley drivers... they think they are so high and mighty.)

Taking the prime out of prime time

This Thursday, we build up the hopes of a bunch of cute sluts, gold diggers, and obnoxious attention whores, fly them to Hawaii, and then put them in a Nazi-style concentration camp vying for the love of a good looking jack off. The girls will receive no food, or water unless they win that day's challenges. Then the girl who loses that days challenges is eliminated, no roses, no voting, we just shoot them in the back of the head. Then when we find a winner we will reveal to her that she is going to marry Hitler's clone, then shoot her too. I am still working on the title, "Now and for Eva", "Heil Hunk", or "The Final Solution: Maui"

OK that was really racy. But I do hate these shows, but even more so than the shows, I hate the losers on them. If it weren't for Simpsons, Futurama, MXC, and a few others I would be ready to do away with my cable completely. Just look at prime time today.

Everybody Loves Raymond: Like an old dog, this show is one that has grown on you over the years but now needs to be put down.
Survivor; whereverthehellitisnow:Oh god, this series is weak. The first one was bad enough. (tangent) And I am sick of everyone saying it was so original, look at The Dating Game, The Real World , The Gong Show, this was not the first reality TV show!!! (end tangent) This show either needs to end or start airing with complimentary cyanide pills.
Cold Case, CSI, etc.: Yah I've never seen this show before.
North Shore, The OC: Like 90210, these shows make my head hurt.

*As in Eva Braun